4am Super PostMortem pt1

 2021 is more of a sequel to 2020, but we never know if this sequel is gonna bomb the box office or not. But nonetheless, something happened, and I think it is time, to put up a review about my career days in this company that I'm soon to departed from, SpaceSheep Studio.

(also I couldn't sleep after a midnight shitshow caused by roti sardines)

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So I started in this company since January 2019, as a CG Generalist, promising that I will help improve the workflow and pipeline, and also provide various CG supports to every departments. Obviously, calling myself a CG Generalist was partly because I have very low self-esteem and confidence about my own skill sets, knowing that this industry is growing bigger and more "specialized' as technology grows. 

I was being interviewed by the very CEO himself, also the founder of this studio. Whatever he mentioned or talked about that day was very touching in a way, but also somewhat expected. Everyone wants to create their own art and grab a slice on Oscar's pie. I wasn't surprised at all. 

What took me by surprised, is that he said, this company focuses on 3 main things, based on one sole purpose. 

"Expand the world's perspective, through 3 subjects/aspects: Art, Technology(Solution), and Culture"

Needless to say, he had me at Tech and Culture. 

I have to say, it was quite a new term for me, about a company focusing on building culture, believing that culture is the key to greater future. Then he continued explaining, to build a great culture, the company must all operate under the same set of core values. In SpaceSheep, the 3 main core values are Passion, Determine, and Fun. Pretty self-explanatory. (And according to all the books that I've read so far, it was proven to be true most of the time)

Anyway, fast forward 2 years, and here I am, counting down to my final moment in this very studio, that I think, in some ways, changed the way I see life, and steered my course of career path a little. 

So, what are the memorable things worth remembering in this super postmortem?

• I met a girl that I really liked back then, her name is Nicole. (No, things didn't work out lol)
• Many have given me faith right at the start, but it faded very soon.
• Some interesting hires happened, usually despite my effort of advise, or even my opinions. (Not that it mattered most of the time)
• The monthly parties. They weren't big, but they were really fun. 
• A very instagram-influencer-like girl came to our studio as a 3D Apprentice. It was nice to have a beautiful girl in the environment but... there's always a but.
• I made a huge fucked up in buying new machines for companies. I always thought "Oh lets just get these things done", but no, uniform/unity is more of a key to better streamline workflows and pipelines. (Now I understand why companies get macs/macbooks instead)
• Went for the 2nd company trip in my entire life. It was kinda fun, not gonna lie. Was hoping a little bit more eye-feasting opportunity but nah.
• I started reading. Pretty sure I have built a reading habit, which is more than great. All thanks to the training during probation period.
• Was promised many things, didn't happen. Promised many things, couldn't deliver as much too. 
• Witnessed a fast-changing in environment. Close to 10 people quit/left in a span of 12 months. We knew something was different. But hey, winner stay?
• Made a decision to focus my career on technical art. I think this is long overdue, but its better late than never. No turning back now.

Ok, so I've laid most of the things that I find memorable, let's go through them one by one with the focus of: How it happened, and what did I learn.

First, falling in love with a girl named Nicole. 

What happened?

• She was hot, and I was horny and single. Found out she's a bit emo and sour about last hook-up that she thought it was gonna bear certain fruit(or baby). I thought I have a chance, but nah. Couldn't tap.

What I've learned?

• Ok, going after colleagues is never a great idea. It affected my performance really bad. I was often distracted, and all I could think was, how to get into her pants. 
• Emotion often multiplies. If you're sad and the other person is sad, usually things get sadder. Especially when both parties only focusing on how to be sad.
• I often try very hard, super hard, to win a person's opinion using money. I thought the more I spend, the closer I could get to her pants. I was very shallow when I became super emotional and horny. This is something that me as a man, find it very hard to control, but surely, it can be overcome by gaining wisdom and experience.

Monthly Parties! Woo! Who doesn't like parties?!

What happened?

• It was the founder's idea to have a mini celebration each month, to show appreciation, and also a way to build up some team spirit.

What I've learned?

• Parties are okay, and I really appreciate having any parties at all, not to mention it happens almost every month. Just think about the money spent.
• It was a great idea, but it lacks of sincerity in making it a great place to build great relationships. There are 20+ individuals in the space, but everyone has their own... zone. It felt secluded and exclusive most of the time. Founder and his then-apprentices were busy outside drinking with their friends(outsiders); some non-drinker were on the other side of the office playing card games; and some, just leave the place right after the 'main events'. It felt like.. it's just another day, but with free dinner. Then I learned, if only everyone truly give a chance to build great relationship. We would never have come to this very point in life. I just can't help but to think, we were slightly unlucky because of living times like these. Some are dependent on public transports, some just didn't want to hang out because it was boring, some just simply... didn't like crowds. 

Failed to consider further possibilities while buying in workstations.

What happened?

• I looked up and found out the new RTX card speeds up rendering speed quite considerably, but didn't realise we needed a newer version of the software we use to fully utilize it's capability. To acquire a newer version of the software, we would then need to buy license which.. we couldn't afford for any of it, at all. 

What I've learned?

• The next time we try to buy any machines, we should probably draft a possibility-based roadmap to see what are the usage of having these machines in the long run, say... 5 years. What are the softwares, what are the chances that we need to swap parts, and draft a somewhat close to reality requirements to acquire machines. That way, we can actually save time and money.
• Fucking up is tough, a very hard experience. But it's also crucial to own the problem, whether you can solve it or not. 
• But actually, to argue on first point, someday we might need an upgrade for all softwares too. Note that the software we were using are improving as we speaks, and it's not going slow. In just a few months, our primary hardware for rendering was already almost redundant, and our primary renderer dev team was already catching up with the latest hardware. So technically speaking, knowing the stability of software's lifespan is also quite crucial. We should have made the shift 2 years ago.

THAILAND!!! Company Trip!!!! ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?!

What happened?

• Ok, you know about the mini parties, and now you should know about the company trip. It's basically a magnified version of mini parties. Trip was split into 3 parties, ultimately. The cool kids party, AJKs(organisers), the etcs. 
• Company trip was planned and organised by in-house committee, and as far as I am told, they were all very dedicated and there were countless sleepless night to make things happen. Needless to say, everyone was very grateful. Also, beautiful bonding moments were born from it. Natural leaders shone bright like a diamonds, and it was obvious who was brighter than the others.
• Although we all knew company trip is happening, but we were more anticipated for a local trip. After a few weeks since initial announcement, we were notified that we are going to Thailand for company trip, and company will be paying partial(90% of the cost) of total trip budget. Needless to say, some were thrilled, most were not. Everyone has their own sets of worries, and I have mine, even though I told them, "yeah I can go overseas". 
• After a few brief confrontation, the trip-committee and CEO wasn't happy about the reaction. No one was screaming in joy, everyone was just sitting there worrying. CEO then came down and ask what are the concerns, and I raised mine, because spending in overseas is very different than spending in your own country even though it's almost similar. Some are worrying about passports. Some are worrying about telling their families. 
• Ultimately, everyone agreed to go, except for one. His name is Jason. He was SpaceSheep's Lighting/Compositing Lead. Very ambitious guy, tries really hard to get into leadership role. He was fired a few days after he rejected the invitation for company trip. CEO thinks he doesn't live up to the company culture, thus it's best for him to just leave the place without hindering company's growth. It was shocking, to say the least. 
• Finally, to the trip itself!! 
• It was quite fun, not to say the best. I think I had better time when I was in Cameron Highland, back when I was still a freshdude in LemonSky. This Thailand trip has good scheduling, good planning, but.. it's the people that made it fun. The people didn't make it fun for me (sorry). Like I mentioned before, the gang-splitting phenomenon was very strong. I often felt like I don't really belong. Or maybe that was me emo talking. Hah.
• Then there was a sharing night. Heart-to-Heart session. Everyone was supposed to pour their heart out. But thanks to gangification, many were more reserved, other than a few juniors. It was really obvious, even though everyone shared quite a bit. Juniors mostly were very grateful, some felt they were wronged. Some cried. Then we showed CEO a video we made that made him cried. The night ended with some big hugs, at 4am. The rest? History.

So! What I've learned?

• Some people just really have the natural talent to shine like a leader. But more importantly, they care the others a lot more than the average. Empathy driven eh? This is something I need to work on, rather than being a hard-tough-nut-to-crack type of seniors. I wish know I'll have my chance again very soon. 
• In a small company like this, when 'gangification' happens, it usually does more harm than it already is. I've always been vocal to CEO and his apprentices that this phenomenon is very bad for company culture/environment especially when it can happen in such a small scale, but I was often neglected and told that this is normal. Till this day, I still disagree. In my opinion, you are making it political, and one day you will pick a side. 
• About Jason's dismissal, it was shocking, but not the most shocking ones. It was kind of expected from the moment he shown attitude problem when trip-committee were disclosing ideas for company trip. I mean.. just play the bigger role la bro. But there must be something that bothers him, that could have affected his judgement back then. (In all seriousness, I think he'll eventually leave the place himself too, because he initially thought some of the practices we have were... redundant?)
• If a team can perform really well, it is because the team held each other like a bridge. I have to say, trip-committee has shown a great team spirit, and led by exceptional individual. Gotta give credit to where it's due, Jane. No wonder she's the favorite child of SpaceSheep. 

(I can go on and on, but its almost 7am, and I should go back to bed. Be right back)

I have successfully built a habit of reading, although.. 

So what happened?

• Apparently it is mandatory to have reading habit when anyone join this company, which is great. I have longed to build a reading habit, but I just didn't have the.. "push" to do so. 
• Some love it, some hated it, some didn't understand. One thing I know, people who didn't gave any chance to themselves, won't even bother to try. 
• But as time goes by, things become more and more sour regarding to this "reading commitment". So you see, we were supposed to read 3 pages for 4 days every week, easy right? There's a small punishment if you didn't commit to 4 days, which is 1 ringgit (malaysian currency) for 1 missing day. The initial idea was to encourage building a reading habit, and also, missing is not a big deal, we shouldn't punish but look at failure in a brighter light. In later days, we were informed that this has suddenly become a competition, a metric for our performance index. 
• "It will be accounted into your performance index" This statement was later dissolved, but still, it left a sour taste in everybody's mouth (except the newcomers of course.)

What I've learned?

• Very tough question, to be honest. First of all, I love culture that cultivates healthy habit. I also love the fact that we try to keep each other accountable, and also share what we've learned every time we read. I think, this is probably the best thing about Spacesheep Studio.
• I have also learned that.. it is so difficult to live words by words as the book you've read. But, it builds character. It definitely does that, and it is quite a shame to see anyone who neglect this because they don't understand, or simply didn't have enough faith on progress and themselves.
• I've also learned that.. anyone who reads, can convey better messages. It makes us think. It makes us digest. It broaden our horizons. I don't think you need to be an avid reader, but.. a few books a year is a good measure. 
• While this agenda was pushed vigorously, the one who started all these are one huge hypocrite when it comes to.. "commitment". He can be dismissed, but we cannot. It feels like every time he talks about reading commitments, we are immediately downgraded just because we follow the bare minimum.
  
  

 -------------------- To be continued. --------------------